Semi-Randomness

I was thinking about starting a thread on AVEN about this as well, but the site seems to have been down all this morning, so I can't and it's just here. I've been considering coming out, and going through various possible responses people might have to the idea. One that keeps coming up is that while people might be OK with the fact that I have no particular desire to have sex, they'd assume I can only know that if I've tried it, which I have no intention of doing.

So then, in my imaginary conversation, someone might say that I can't know I'm asexual until I at least try it, and there's no reason not to. While I have no problem with discussing sex, the idea of personally having sex does somewhat disturb me, which is why I don't want to do it and would go to lengths to avoid it. So, upon learning this, this imaginary person might say that it's not really a sexual orientation, I just am disgusted by it for whatever reason and think I'm asexual.

If this imaginary person, who to make things less confusing I'll call Bob, is a heterosexual male, he probably would be disgusted by the idea of having sex with another guy, and quite possibly disgusted just by discussion of gay sex. The reverse would of course apply if Bob was a homosexual male, and similarly if Bob was instead a heterosexual or homosexual Mary. All of these possible attitudes of a sexual Bob or Mary are more or less acknowledged as legitimate.

The problem seems to come up when someone feels that way towards both genders; it's like an extra level that some people don't accept. If you want to avoid sex with one gender or the other, not only is that fine that's the most accepted, but somehow it's not possible to be both. I find this quite annoying.

Understanding Asexuality: From a Sexual to Other Sexuals

I know... It has been a really long time since I made a post... But *sigh*... College assignments and unreliable internet connection can't really be considered as favourable factors! :(. Anyway, I headed straight for AVEN after coming online after so many days and found this article... What's so unique about it is that it is a sexual person's point of view about asexuality and it has been written for other sexuals! Here's an excerpt:

A friend who rarely mentions sex has not had any in at least a decade. It has always seemed odd to me, but he is someone I really care for, and I accept him as he is. When I discovered the AVEN board, I put two and two together and got asexuality. I did not want to confront my friend over something he might not be comfortable talking about, but I did want to let him know that I was asexual-friendly. Unable to concoct a better plan, I sent a FYI e-mail to a dozen friends, letting them know that I was reading very interesting threads on the AVEN board. I even sent links to some of my favorites. My e-mail was not for the other eleven; it went to them so my friend would not think I was singling him out. He wrote back a few days later, saying he had looked over the board and found it fascinating. He also said he wished he had been born asexual, as that would have made his life easier. O.K., he is not asexual. Two days later I received e-mail from a different friend, one of the eleven. He said he had always suspected he was asexual...(more)

When Will It All be Accepted?

A couple weeks ago I was discussing gay rights with someone who doesn't support them, and he asked "If being gay is accepted, what will be next?" I gave him the obvious answer, that being bisexual, transgender, and asexual will be accepted (possibly in that order). While this probably didn't make him feel more supportive of gay rights, it has me wondering how long it will be before people don't have to fit perfectly into an orientation's stereotype.

Right now it seems like most sexuals (most everyone really) is expected to have a high sex drive directed towards the opposite sex, but of course not everyone, or even every heterosexual, does. Some bisexuals might have a preference for one gender, so to label them with the word "bisexual," which most people associate with being equally attracted to both genders, also doesn't make sense. Basically, not only are not all people the same, not all heterosexuals are the same, nor are all homosexuals, bisexuals, or asexuals. I'm wondering when people will begin to tolerate people not fitting perfectly into a pre-determined set of specific orientations.

Homosexuality, though already acknowledged, is really just now starting to be accepted. Eventually, once people decide you actually can be attracted to the opposite sex or to the same sex, they'll hopefully accept the possibility that someone is attracted to both, and then that you can be attracted to neither. Considering how long it's taken us to get to the level of tolerance we're at now, that will take a great deal of time. After that though, maybe people will loosen definitions and disregard stereotypes, and be truly tolerant.

Going to Bangalore again :(

Since my vacation is unfortunately over, I'm leaving for Bangalore tomorrow :(...Yeah, that means that I'll not be able to make posts frequently. Darn...I enjoyed so much here this time...I really don't wanna go :(...Sigh..Oh Well!

Major Corporations Wouldn't Like Me

This is somewhat random, but according to the Baltimore Sun, the average American spent over $100 dollars on Valentine's Day. A-asexuals don't spend that money, so for every one of us, that's a great deal of money that Hallmark or the florist doesn't get.

Not to mention the huge amount of advertising related to sex that any kind of asexual won't give a second thought to. If one in a hundred people really are asexual, then that's 1% of the population the advertiser won't reach.

Also, we don't buy condoms, or pregnancy test kits, or get tested for STDs, or purchase any sex-related merchandise, etc.

So anyway that's why I don't think a CEO would like me.

Valentine's Day: Amoeba Style!

Hmmm..Since it is Valentine's Day (Ok...so I'm a day late) and of course, I have nothing much to do today...LOL...Here's another interesting short article that I found on the Library of The Asexual Personals Website (http://www.asexualove.net):

No joke. More and more people are becoming aware of this option and identity. Some may joke of not being able to understand or get along with the opposite sex and talk of giving up or "throwing in the towel".
Many attribute problems that occur in relationships to sexual relations, and although celibacy may cover this issue, what about those who feel no need or desire for sex?

"Sexual people's attractions tend to include the desire for sex whereas asexual desires tend toward other kinds of intimacy" explains The Asexual Visibility and Education Network (AVEN).
More commonly known as www.asexuality.org, AVEN provides a forum for asexual people and those unsure of their orientation a place to discuss and post questions about sexuality.
Asexual people can be aware of sexual desire however they are not motivated to act upon it.

In October of last year a study published in The Journal of Sex Research found that one in 100 adults is asexual (CNN.com).
Activists have even started to promote awareness by making T-shirts and pamphlets.

Asexuality seems to be making a name for itself in sexual orientation, just like homosexuality or heterosexuality. In no way does this suggest that asexual people do not find love or happiness, but it may suggest the possibility of finding a new level of intimacy and closeness to a special someone is possible without physicality.

For many, Valentine's Day is a romantic, sweet, mushy day in which sweethearts can express their love for one another with chocolates, flowers, dinner, and teddy bears holding hearts.

For some of us, however, Valentines Day is nothing but a dark, purely commercialized, sham of a holiday.
Those without a special someone, feel bitter feelings couples and anger at past relationships surface. Valentine's Day oftentimes becomes filled with questions and doubt. Why don't I have someone? Will I ever find that one person for me?

Well this year there is a question you may not have pondered before; Am I Asexual?
Source: http://www.asexualove.net/library/05/0209.html

Asexuality as a Human Sexual Orientation

"Asexuality as a Human Sexual Orientation" is an interesting essay that caught my attention while browsing...Here is an excerpt from the essay:

Only in the past few years has the public in general accepted homosexuality and bisexuality as genuine sexual orientations (although debates over cause, morality, and status in society continue), but now another orientation is being proposed: asexuality. What is it, and is it really a sexual orientation, determined before birth like heterosexuality or homosexuality are now theorized to be? Traditionally, "asexual" referred to the reproduction of simplistic organisms (amoebas, primitive worms, fungi, etc.) or in humans to a lack of sexual organs or an inability to feel/act sexually due to disability or other condition. However, the new proposed definition for "asexual" presents it as a (human) sexual orientation, following that if heterosexuality is attraction to the opposite sex, homosexuality is attraction to the same sex, bisexuality is attraction to both, asexuality is attraction to neither sex. An exact definition has not been officially set, so most "experts" in the area reference AVEN (Asexuality Visibility and Education Network): "a person who does not experience sexual attraction."...(more)

The complete essay is available at: http://serendip.brynmawr.edu/bb/neuro/neuro06/web2/jengelman.html

CNN Showbiz Tonight on Asexuality

I was browsing around this video sharing community called "YouTube"...They seem to be having a lot of short clips featuring Asexuality seen in real life! This video features three members of AVEN who appeared on CNN Showbiz Tonight on April 5, 2006.

Asexual: Making love to oneself

I found this very interesting poem on Asexual Love at Poemhunter.com. It has been written by John Tansey, and is truly worth a read! :)
Asexual...Making Love to Oneself
I lie in bed,
wrists turned in
so to feel a warm hand upon my face,
a knee in my chest,
a long leg moving under me.

I dream
I am entwined,
one arm over my shoulder,
one moving slowly up my thigh.

Aroused from this dreamscape,
I find the hands
were, but, my own;

Having reached for someone
and felt only myself,
in this solitary touch,

I lie, stark-eyed in the dark,
while couples sleep, limb-locked
under the stars.

Haven taken advantage of myself,
I am blinded
by the emotional rape of the night.

Caught in the act by the same moon that,
watering lovers like flowers,
shone like a flashlight in my eyes,

Reflecting only shame,
I fold my limbs
into the fetal-pose of a child,

Swaddled in a blanket,
sensing the cold expanding darkness
I lie, lost
in the large lap of a queen-sized bed.

--John Tansey

Queer Rights/Issues/Activism: Asexuality: the Sexuality You Probably Never Heard Of

I came across an excellent post on asexuality in the Queer Rights Blog. To see the blog post, please visit:
Queer Rights/Issues/Activism: Asexuality: the Sexuality You Probably Never Heard Of

Asexuality: Just a Phase?

Hmmm...I just came across this blog online. The author has given an excellent description about what asexuality really is :)...But, unfortunately, he says that asexuality may be just a "phase". This phase bit is something which I'm not being able to completely digest (Although yeah...it might just be a phase for some). He writes:

Asexuals are normal ppl they wait for right person, they lack desire for sex coz of lack of emotional involvement….Asexuality is not for whole life its not forever.

Read the complete blog at: http://o3.indiatimes.com/downtoearth/archive/2005/07/18/182242.aspx

No, We're Really Not Missing Anything

I just read this on the ABC website and I find it tremendously ridiculous.

"Sex is a fabulous, enormously pleasurable aspect of life. And your saying you don't miss it is like someone in a sense who's color blind saying, 'I don't miss color.' Of course, you don't miss what you've never had," Davidson said.

This completely ignoring the fact that some asexuals are not virgins. They have had sex, and they didn't think it was real fabulous. Ms. Davidson went on to say that:

"You might as well label yourself not curious, unadventurous, narrow-minded, blind to possibilities. That's what happens when you label yourself as sexually neutered."

First of all, I've never heard anyone use the term "sexually neutered" except her. Also, one might theoretically suggest that she is the close-minded one, in assuming that all people have to be sexual like her. Moreover, on the assumption that Ms. Davidson is straight, one has to wonder if she is narrow-minded about having sex with other women. She likely is, probably just because she is unadventurous and blind to possibilities.

Coming Out

OK...Since I've mentioned a little about my "coming out" process to my mom in my last post, I decided that I might as well announce it to the whole world! Not only did I come out to my mom, I also came out to my best friend and my brother pretty soon after that! Thankfully, all three of them have accepted my asexuality, and do not have any problems whatsoever with it :)...I don't think I'll ever be able to forget the night of 3rd November, 2006, when I acted like an impulsive creep for the first time in my life! Acting on a sudden impulse, I called up my mom from Bangalore and explained it to her in very AVENish terms. She could get what I was saying but could not understand completely :)...It was then I told her to visit the AVEN website, which I suppose, has cleared most of her confusions/doubts.
My best friend also got the "impulsive phone call" from me and had to go through 65 minutes of my senseless yakking (thats what he says even now just to pull my leg...LOL...but yeah...He has accepted it...Come to think of it, he hardly had a choice...Same goes for my pesky little brother, to whom I came out, via the phone route again... LOL).
As usual, I found another interesting article, which I'm posting here :)...This one is from AVEN, written by none other than Mr. Jay himself, and acts as a "guide" to coming out :)

More confessions: I'm not that big a fan of the phrase "coming out." Perhaps it's the melodrama of it all- volcanically bursting from a place of confined safety to the free-and-judging light of day. There does not reside in us some secret asexual being which will, as illustrated by the movie "Alien," suddenly burst forth to dramatically alter our standing and role among our immediate social network. Still everyone keeps blogging about it, so I might as well jump in.
First off, my credentials. To say that I come out professionally, and therefore to imply that for the service I receive both a salary and generous benefits package, would be eerily closer to the truth than I would like to admit. Bringing up my sexuality and the issues related to it is how I have fun at parties, it's how I entertain children, how I pick up chicks. If done right this stuff can be easy and even fun, so listen up:
Try to figure out what questions people have, then try to figure out answers for them. Remember that you are the expert - if you are coming out to someone then you probably know more about asexuality than they do, so if you're clear and confident then they'll be inclined to believe what you have to say. This need not mean that you have come to answers about EVERYTHING, a confident "I don't know yet" works as well as anything else.
Telling someone doesn't have to be a big deal unless you want it to be. Don't think of it as divulging some secret or forever redefining yourself. You're introducing a new (albeit somewhat loaded) word into the vocabulary that you and your friends/family use to talk about your life. That's it. You get to define it however you want and the definition gets to change over time. It's not about what you are, just how you think about your life. Put the word asexual out there and let them react to it. Don't worry about getting everything out, answer whatever questions they have about you or about asexuality in general. It will take a while to completely flesh things out, and there's no reason to do it all in one conversation. Give yourself time to talk about things as you need to.
I'm not advocating this process for everyone. It can be stressful and complicated, and your thinking on your asexuality may not be something that you're ready to talk to your friends and family about. If you feel like there are things that you want to talk about but can't, then maybe it's time to get asexuality into the conversation.
Source: http://www.asexuality.org/home/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=30&Itemid=38

NewScientist.Com Report: Glad to be Asexual

NewScientist.Com has a very interesting article on asexuality, which I couldn't resist including here :)...I've only taken some portions of the article and pasted them here, as I don't think I'm supposed to rip off everything I find interesting...LOL...

In a world where lust can be bought in a pill and skin is the marketing tool dujour, being David Jay cannot be easy. At the age of 22 he has never had sex. He has never experienced sexual attraction towards another person and does not believe it will ever happen.
There are many others who have similar stories to tell. They talk about growing up not being able to understand why everyoneelse seemed so interested in dating, kissing and touching; in experiencing the ritual of mating.

Mr Jay sure seems to be an asexual icon! They're definitely right about the "not being able to understand" part...I've gone through those periods of confusion and self doubt too...:(...Anyway...Lets not make it too dull with my asexy experiences...LOL...Here's more from the same article:

The amazing degree of variation in the experiences of asexual people suggests that the underlying causes of their lack of sexual attraction are very different. Some asexuals might simply have extremely low sex drives in spite of an innate orientation towards males or females. Other asexuals might form a fourth category of sexual orientation in addition to the hetero-, homo- and bi-sexual ones, namely people who are attracted to neither gender, even if they have normal sex drives. There is no official definition for asexuality yet, but it probably needs to take all these variations into account, says Anthony Bogaert, a psychologist and human-sexuality expert studying asexuality at Brock University in St. Catherines, Canada. “The place where we draw the line is the desire to interact sexually with other people,” says Brian (name changed), a navy veteran from Virginia. When it comes to having children, some asexuals say they would like to have a baby, but most would use IVF to avoid having to have sex. Much of the sense of community that emerges when Brian and others talk
about their collective status as asexuals comes from the fact that they have
found a virtual neighbourhood where they constantly interact. “It’s made it a
whole lot easier for us to find each other,” Brian says. One such web forum, called AVEN (for Asexual Visibility and Education Network at www.asexuality.org) was founded by Jay in 2001 and provides extensive information about asexuality along with discussion forums. It began with fewer than 50 members but now boasts more than 1200. People from all over the world have visited the site: from Saudi Arabia, Japan and Cuba.

Yup...We are definitely quite diverse...its almost like human sexuality can be divided into two subheadings - sexual and asexual, with their various orientations (hetero, homo, bi etc) under each subheading...Hmmm...That was quite "mature" of me, wasn't it? ;)

One example of that transformation is the fact that people are coming out of the closet. “I was so excited about finally discovering myself that I just went out and told a few of my friends and it kind of spread,” says Pete. By finding this positive identity and being open to loved ones about it, some asexuals, like 23-year-old Esther Dail from Colorado have even been able to fill “traditional” societal roles by getting married to sexual partners. “He doesn’t push me,” says Dail of her husband, with whom she doesn’t have intercourse and whom she told about her asexuality when they were dating.

Hmmm...I came out of my closet recently (3rd November, 2006, to my mom :)..)...and it has been a greate experience since then! She accepted my asexuality totally! I did get the "you haven't met the right person" stuff, but hey, atleast she has no problems with it. And maybe I really have not met the right person...And the right one for me has to be an asexual like myself ;)...OK...I've blabbered about myself a lot in this post...You can view the complete article (without the nonsense that I've put in the middle here) at:
http://www.newscientist.com/article.ns?id=dn6533

I definitely am not the only one!

Since I have a lot of time at hand right now...I was browsing Wikipedia and came across this interesting bit of information...It seems many famous people, including Sir Isaac Newton were allegedly asexual. Here's the complete list from Wikipedia:

* Benjamin Banneker
* J.M. Barrie
* The Shivers (band)
* Jorge Luis Borges
* Emily Brontë
* George Washington Carver
* Emily Dickenson
* Paul Erdős
* Edward Gorey
* Adolph Hitler (VERY hard to believe!)
* Henry James
* Immanuel Kant
* T. E. Lawrence
* Christina of Sweden
* Isaac Newton
* Florence Nightingale
* Erik Satie, French pianist and composer
* Sun Ra, American jazz musician
* Nikola Tesla
* Samuel J. Tilden
* Simone Weil
* Hans Christian Andersen
* Jean Alexander
* Todd Fuller
* John Harvey Kellogg
* Morrissey
* Maximilien Robespierre, French Revolutionary
* Santos-Dumont - Inventor of the airplane
* The Wright brothers
* Friedrich Nietzsche
* Paula Poundstone - comedian
* Jimmy Koebel

Hmmm...Thats quite a long list I must say! But of course, all of them might not be asexual...I don't know why but I just am not being able to digest the fact that Adolph Hitler was asexual...Sigh...We'll never really know, will we?
Source:http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asexuality#Famous_alleged_asexuals