Thursday, April 12, 2007


I was thinking about starting a thread on AVEN about this as well, but the site seems to have been down all this morning, so I can't and it's just here. I've been considering coming out, and going through various possible responses people might have to the idea. One that keeps coming up is that while people might be OK with the fact that I have no particular desire to have sex, they'd assume I can only know that if I've tried it, which I have no intention of doing.

So then, in my imaginary conversation, someone might say that I can't know I'm asexual until I at least try it, and there's no reason not to. While I have no problem with discussing sex, the idea of personally having sex does somewhat disturb me, which is why I don't want to do it and would go to lengths to avoid it. So, upon learning this, this imaginary person might say that it's not really a sexual orientation, I just am disgusted by it for whatever reason and think I'm asexual.

If this imaginary person, who to make things less confusing I'll call Bob, is a heterosexual male, he probably would be disgusted by the idea of having sex with another guy, and quite possibly disgusted just by discussion of gay sex. The reverse would of course apply if Bob was a homosexual male, and similarly if Bob was instead a heterosexual or homosexual Mary. All of these possible attitudes of a sexual Bob or Mary are more or less acknowledged as legitimate.

The problem seems to come up when someone feels that way towards both genders; it's like an extra level that some people don't accept. If you want to avoid sex with one gender or the other, not only is that fine that's the most accepted, but somehow it's not possible to be both. I find this quite annoying.


AmoebaGeek said...

I'm glad that you're considering coming out. I used to feel the same way initially, but it all changed after I came out :). I think the best would be to come out to a family member or a very close friend at first, and then start getting comfortable with it. Of course, you don't have to be "out" to everyone!

Agent KGB said...

Yeah, since I'm aromantic though I don't/won't have any particular reason, so I'm in no hurry, but thanks for the advice of course for when I do. Are you completely out now, or just to family/close friends?

AmoebaGeek said...

Well, I'm out to my mom, brother and best friend. I'm also out to one of my friends in Bangalore as "asexual" only.

Datasmith said...

amoebageek............ you have stopped posting... whats up!!!!!!!!!

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Am pleased to come across your blog but disappointed that the last post was in 07. Am from India too and it would be wonderful to connect and form a community here. If there already is one, would love to meet up.

trfins said...

Dude I am from bangalore and quiet possible an asexual. I was depressed and probably and not been able to study for my exam because I felt really really guilty after "rejecting" some advances from a girl. She is sweet and you know in india it takes a lot of guts for a girl to come out and tell a boy that she likes her.

I have tears in my eye (that of happiness) to know that
(a) You are an introvert
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Thank you for your blog. It just made the world seem less empty.

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Anonymous said...

I recall a comic where a guy is being hit on by a persistent gay guy (the comic's not particularly homophobic, it's more that this particular gay character is unpleasant - it makes sense in context) who says "How do you know you won't like it if you don't try it?" Our hero's response is to say, in a voice dripping with sarcasm, "Wow! Hey, you know what else I never wanted to do? Chop off my hand. But since it holds no appeal nor interest for me to do it, how will I ever know that I wouldn't like having it severed?!"

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Anonymous said...

Sorry to disturbing all of you. But this theme is interesting to me.

Look, I think I am asexual. I am woman that don´t wanna sex. I don´t like.

But love, I like. I live old movies and old music. Musics without lyrics I prefer.

But, I am not homosexual or bisexual. I respect these people.

I am asexual woman that I prefer love man. An asexual man.

I think: If there is asexual woman like me, it is possible that exist am asexual man too.

I am asexual heterossexual. I like diferents. I prefer, it is more human. It is like in televison.

When asexual have mates (equals), homo or both, it is strange. The scenes of life are not normal.

I prefer to be like a woman that love guys as I was in all my life.

BUT without sex, off course.

I don't know how people don´t understand us. They don´t believe that we exists.

They cannot see us. Only my friend and some friends talk to me. They think I am a monster.

They don´t know what I like to eat. But I am the same girl. I like to eat all of delicious that I always eat. I only don´t want to be married. I want to study all the time and have my job.

But how can a asexual people have job with a sexual people. I am afraid of it. I want to have a job, but I am afraid. They will think that I am homosexual or that I am confuse. Or they will think that I am false person that I am thinking to be "saint". But I hate false people. I am not a false. I am sincere.

I can be util in this Matrix. I like to write stories, I like to study a lot, I like sciences, I like a kind of importants things.

They think I am crazy. I am tired.

They don't believe in asexual life.

I think this theme must be more talked in media, magazines, books.

We are not angels or ets. We are just people that don't like sex.

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Anonymous said...

Hi, I am writing a story on asexuality for an Australian magazine and was wondering whether you would be willing to talk to me about it - anonymously, if necessary.
My email address is